forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
