the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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