it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
