Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
