Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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