Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
