Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
