Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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