I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
