My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
