I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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