You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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