So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
