I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
