One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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