Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
