You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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