So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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