Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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