Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
