your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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