Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize