So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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