she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I AM VODKA MAN
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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