so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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