Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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