Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize