I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
