You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
