please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
