I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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