i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
