youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
