They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
