My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
