once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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