While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
