Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
