I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
organizing the empties. That sober.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
