I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
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We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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