My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
