Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
