I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
