We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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