The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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