wrigley field is MILF paradise
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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