I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
