Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
