I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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