dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We have started to decorate penises.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
