if only i could text you this smell
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
