I could have mohawked her pubes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
