He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
