living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
