ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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