what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
