Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
