I just found puke in my bra..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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