I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This toilet bowl is my home.
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