i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
