I think I died a long time ago.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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